It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
