ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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