alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So much rum. So many feels.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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