well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
