I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Michael Bay diarrhea
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
