So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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