Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
