He kissed a someone with a penis
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
