My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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