Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
