Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
