Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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