what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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