You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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