you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
