Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
