I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i came on her dog
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
