I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
