dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
