Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
