isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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