So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
