operation harelip BJ is a go
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize
