I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
