I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
