New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
