fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
