she looked like the before picture.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
