you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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