So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize