He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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