I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
