Jerry, you need to find god
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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