Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
