True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
