R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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