is your mom at the bar?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've blown a few things in my day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
