you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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