If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
