Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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