I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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