it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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