Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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