he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
