I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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