Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
