So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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