not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
