Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
