i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
