I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
