wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
