You can't special order awesome
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
