Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
