his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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