I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
