I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize