I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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