just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
