Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
