So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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