is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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