return my video game
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
50% drunk capacity currently
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
