Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
