Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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