i don't like sucking hair
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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