the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
