They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
