i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
