Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We're too hungover to prance.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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