Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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