I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she pinky promised me she was 18
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
