Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
