well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize