i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
